Gary Conkling Life Notes

Mostly whimsical reflections on life

Stun Guns and Anti-Pervert Pantyhose

iphone-stun-gun-caseAs a father of four daughters and two granddaughters, I welcome devices to deter cads and creeps. Fortunately, entrepreneurs have answered the call with an iPhone case stun gun and anti-pervert pantyhose.

The iPhone case stun gun is the tool you need to ward off a would-be pest or rapist. The anti-pervert pantyhose serve to discourage, or even sicken, that star-struck someone with a gleam in his eye.

Two Louisiana State University grads invented the Yellow Jacket, which doubles as a case for the iPhone 4 and 4S models and a 650,000-volt stun gun. They come in black, white, pink and, of course, yellow. Initial public reaction has been positive and more options and cases for other smartphone brands are just around the corner. They also are thinking of a model made especially for policemen.

Like many inventions, the iPhone case stun gun was borne out of tragedy. Former Army soldier and LSU architectural student Seth Froom was robbed at gunpoint in his house and watched with his face to the floor and his iPhone in hand as his house was ransacked. The incident inspired Froom and college friend Sean Simone to invent the Yellow Jacket, which retails for $140 and is manufactured in China.


China turns out to be the birthplace of anti-pervert pantyhose, which look a lot like the legs on Sasquatch. An advertisement on China’s equivalent of Twitter says the hairy tights are “essential for all young girls going out” because they will repel most men who don’t want a woman with hairier legs than theirs.

It’s possible some predators, such as the GEICO caveman and anyone who follows the Paleo Diet, may like the Bert Reynolds-on-a-rug look, which is why you also need to carry the iPhone case stun gun as added protection.

Stun guns are legal in Oregon, but reckless discharge of an electrical stun gun qualifies as a Class A misdemeanor and stunning a police officer is a Class C felony, according to Self Defense Corp. Stun guns are legal in Washington and Idaho, but don’t take your iPhone and Yellow Jacket case to Washington, DC where stun guns are illegal.

Then there is the question of painful self-inflicted tasing. The Yellow Jacket requires a user to flip two “safety” switches and press an activation button before you can deliver a shock. Based on the number of butt-dials from smartphones, anything is possible. The shock itself, say the inventors, can cause a jolt ranging from mild to extreme pain, not to mention excruciating embarrassment as the butt of jokes for the rest of your life.

As former Congressman Anthony Weiner proved, a smartphone is dangerous enough without encasing it with a gun.

These may not be the perfect perp repellents, but they are a good start. We’ll have to wait to see how a New York invention pans out that involves a mobile X-Ray that can detect and zap a bad actor. That’s a lot better than dad buying a shotgun.


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