Gary Conkling Life Notes

Mostly whimsical reflections on life

Short-Fingered Vulgarian

Shadowy GOP establishment figures missed the boat by scripting Marco Rubio, enlisting Mitt Romney and drafting Paul Ryan to bring down Donald Trump. They should have looked up the founders of satirical Spy magazine.

tumblr_o3c3t0pTUi1v9mvilo1_1280-1Graydon Carter and Kurt Andersen have a 30-history of getting under The Donald’s fingernails. They originated the meme about his tiny hands, dubbing the New York real estate magnate as the “Short-fingered vulgarian.”

Trump says he doesn’t know where the tiny hands gibe came from. Carter and Andersen told NPR that’s another lie. Trump hated the short-fingered vulgarian name and repeatedly sent them pictures and tear sheets from magazines “proving” his fingers weren’t short.

And not just in the distant past. Carter said Trump used a gold Sharpie to circle a picture with a note “See, not so short” as recently as last April.

trumpvfspySpy magazine is gone now, like many of Trump’s business ventures. Carter edits Vanity Fair and Andersen is  novelist. But they haven’t changed their low opinion of Trump, whom they chose in 1986 as the “brash embodiment of a crass age.” They relentlessly mocked Trump’s personal traits and business dealings. They could be the best 2-man opposition research team on earth.

Bruce Feirstein, writing for Vanity Fair, said “Spy magazine carried out a lonely – and hilarious – war against the preposterous real estate lordling it famously identified as ‘short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump.'” Carter and Andersen, he said, viewed Trump as the “id of New York City, writ large – a bombastic, self-aggrandizing, unself-aware bully, with a curious relationship to the truth about his supposed wealth and business acumen.”

Spy and TrumpFeinstein adds, “He’s become the Ugly American, writ large, and draped in cheap superlatives: a great American, with a great plan, who will restore our great and glorious gold-plated future. . . . So long as you don’t criticize him, disagree with him, or ask too many questions.”

So who needs Romney, Rubio or Ryan. Republican pooh-bahs can hire Carter and Andersen to bring down the Trumpster. They have the same sophomoric, uncompromising and free-willing skills to battle Trump to his wit’s end.

They know how to touch him where it hurts. They know how to puncture Trump’s blimp-sized ego by questioning his minuscule male appendages.

Andersen admits to wonderment about how shiny Trump would make the White House if he was President. He also imagines that he and Carter would be sharing a “bunk in an internment camp.”

Commentators have compared Trump to a lot of things. A circus ringmaster. A professional wrestler. A blowhard. But Carter and Andersen caricatured him in a way that stung – as a self-absorbed addict.

Trump and SpyTrump was the epitome of “sudden ostentation.” He craves attention, good or bad. Call him vulgar, call him blustery, call him racist. Just don’t misspell his name.

Mention those short fingers, however, and Trump goes berserk. He goes off message. He thumbs through old magazines to prove he’s normal, not just great.

What took you so long, Big Shot Republicans, to find these guys? They are the Trump kryptonite you’ve been looking for, while you resurrected Romney and fantasized about Ryan.

Carter and Andersen know how to derange Trump. They know how to turn a winner into a whimpering whiner. They know how to point to his tiny fingers.

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