Putin and Panties

First it was Pussy Riot, then an artist who portrayed him in lingerie. Now Vladimir Putin is on a crusade over Russian women’s panties.

If he could find someone unafraid of being arrested and sent to the Gulag, Putin could use a therapist.

Women hit the bricks to protest a Russian-backed trade ban on any women’s underwear containing less than 6 percent cotton. Thirty women protesters wearing lace panties on their heads were arrested over the weekend as they chanted “Freedom to panties,” outdoing any schoolboy fantasy about a panty raid.

Social media was atwitter with pictures of sexy contemporary panties and their granny panty predecessors.

A Russian lingerie store manager told an Associated Press reporter, “As a rule, lacy underwear is literally snatched off the shelves.” Of course, she meant by customers, not cops.

On top of things, the Eurasian Economic Commission, the 3-country counterpart to the European Economic Union, said it would issue a statement soon on the panty ban, which was intended to boost cotton production, not incite street riots.

What does Putin have against Victoria Secret? Bad service? Don’t carry his size? Nothing in red that fits?

Miscalculation is apparently a Putin specialty. He wandered into the U.S. Olympic compound in Sochi to shoot the breeze on the same day his Russian hockey team lost to Team USA in a dramatic shootout. The umpire apparently wasn’t up to speed on the Putin plan – or was ticked off at the panty trade ban – as he waved off an apparent Russian goal that would have won the game and avoided the embarrassing shootout.

His effort to suppress Pussy Riot’s anti-Putin punk band lyrics hasn’t worked. Two band members did a bilingual Putin-baiting interview with Stephen Colbert, which aired during the Olympics. Now two members of the band have been arrested and released in Sochi under accusations of stealing something from a hotel. One of the Pussy Rioters had to check in at a local hospital because the fingerprint clerk injured her shoulder.

Last summer, police seized a painting depicting Putin in a night gown, stroking the locks of Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev, who sported matching panties and bra. The painting was branded as extremist propaganda. Maybe the artist wasn’t so far off.

Even with the Russian winter Olympic team on top of the medal board, these remain restless times for Putin, which may be why his thoughts have drifted off to panties. No one is quite sure where that painting of he and Medvedev wound up.

Many men have fetishes. We thought Putin’s fetish was power. Evidently we misjudged him.